"you never refuse to help me. You never refuse to help any one. Why do you do it?"

"to redeem myself"

"what does it me"

"I don't know at this point

"am"

"At some point I get that I've not even done something wrong

and it's not that 'the world is evil', it's actually great and amazing, and wonderful.

but I don't belong here" he looked at her hoping she'll understand

"every where I go eventually I find myself losing. Every war I start.

At some point you don't look for happiness, belonging, contempt

at some point you just learn to appreciate the struggle"

"I am nothing as a human being beth. I am a low life scum from the most unholy place in the world.

And even there I'm nothing.

You will leave this place and find a job and meet a guy and you'll have just great life time. But I can't have that. I wouldn't even know how to enjoy such a thing.

Man pacing.
The grass under his legs sooths his walk
Mud everywhere but he doesn't mind.
Since the fall of that damn wall his memories trapped him.
Ever since it occurs to him once in couple of days that behind every step a dark shadow escorts him, weighs down on em.
He tries to breath but the taste of salt fills the mouth.
He opens his eyes, the light, always the light leads him back to the ground, but no matter how much he swims
He strayed from the road, too often.
It's called out here.
He escapes to run from him self.
'what for?' he wants them to ask
'to redeem myself' he wants to reply with a tear.

breathe
breathe
as you try to understand it all. all the world slows down when you just
breathe
every slightest movement trembles your sensitive mind when you encounter for the first time the angle of death.
it wasn't a war zone, no blood was spilled, just a fading breathe in a florescent lighted hospital.
clock counts down the remaining minutes of the day as you just breathe it in and comprehend.
as the world crushes down on you, your shield and sword fall to the floor.
no valor among men, no bravado, there are no happy endings.
no conclusion, no story line without a punch line as the cold air implodes your hope.
let it breathe, because what's left